Longing For You (Never Too Late Book 1) Read online

  He liked that he could still read her after all these years. She'd been nervous during the entire brunch, her energy radiating off of her in waves and the sound of the slight edge to her voice betraying her calm exterior. Something that seemingly only he had noticed.

  He smiled as he thought about how she’d tried to steal glimpses of him throughout their meal, almost as though she couldn’t believe he was real and sitting a few feet away. He’d fought hard not to stare at her too.

  The urge to touch her and pull her into his arms had been great. He’d wanted to hold her pretty face with both of his hands so that he could soak in the vision of the woman she’d become. His body ached to feel her close again. Nothing had ever felt better than the feel of Jess in his arms. He’d been shocked the moment he’d laid eyes on her. If he was being honest, he ran to the bathroom to hide.

  Jess. His beautiful, green-eyed beauty was Drew’s mom.

  The one that got away had walked back into his life and had sat close enough for him to touch, to talk to, to smell for over an hour. She had been right fucking there!

  Shit, even right now, at this very instant, everything in his body urged him to go to her.

  His hands clenched and unclenched at the thought, the need to go to her almost unbearable.

  His mind filled with memories of her. Memories that had refused to fade or disappear, no matter how hard he’d tried or how much time had passed. And he remembered everything. How she felt, how she smelled, her laugh, the way she’d look up at him as if he hung the fucking moon. It was all still fresh in his mind, as if it had happened just yesterday instead of over a lifetime ago. Thirty-five years to be exact.

  When he’d run away to the bathroom, he'd stared at himself in the mirror, confused and stunned at the chances of this shit happening. He'd felt like he was suddenly in the middle of a badly written Lifetime movie, like the ones his ex-wife, Leah, used to make him watch.

  What were the chances for life having this bad of a sense of humor?

  He'd never forget the look on her face as their eyes collided. He was almost sure she'd either bolt out of the restaurant or pass out from shock. But she did neither. No. Instead she pretended they'd never met before. That was fine, he could play her game.

  He tried to play it cool, but with each stolen glance, he couldn't help but feel twenty-one again: re-energized and alive.

  Karma was a real bitch.

  Chapter Three

  Jess

  After her day had gone from bad to worse and she’d had to deal with a no-show delivery and a resulting change in vendors, Jess was finally in bed.

  She should have been able to sleep with the open windows allowing the cool spring breeze to blow across her body. She should have been so tired she could've closed her eyes and simply drifted off.

  But she couldn't.

  She tossed and turned, her mind filled with one person in particular.

  Scott.

  What were the chances? Chloe had been in her life for two years now and there was never anything to ever link her to him. They had different last names and Chloe looked nothing like Scott. Still, how did she not know?

  She needed to talk to him. There was no way they could tell their children about their past together. Not that it was any of their business, but it would make for an awkward moment if they were ever to find out on their own.

  Sitting up in her bed, her Kindle beside her, she looked toward her walk-in closet. She never realized that from where she lay in bed she could see the small red box containing everything that symbolized who they had been to each other all those years ago: silly little mementos and notes that held no real value other than reminders of what could have been. She’d never been able to throw them away. Even when she’d been married to Kevin, it had always been stored away deep within a closet.

  Closing her eyes, she leaned her head back against her padded headboard, the memory of one particular night surfacing.

  They couldn’t stop laughing. She wasn’t even sure what they were laughing about anymore, but they couldn’t stop. The end of summer carnival was in full swing. The warm air smelled sweet with cinnamon and sugar from the nearby churro and cotton candy stands and the night was charged with an electric buzz as they were walking around hand in hand. Her free hand clutched a small bouquet of bright yellow daisies he’d bought for her as well as the hideous purple stuffed fish he’d won for her; his free hand held a cup of fountain root beer they were sharing.

  “Jess.” She could hear his voice clearly even with all the noise around them. He was all that existed for her.

  “Yeah?” she asked, smiling at him, noting the seriousness in his face. He pulled her to an empty bench, carefully setting their stuff down, and grabbed her left hand, her palm facing up.

  “Read,” he mouthed, making her smirk at his request.

  They usually wrote notes on one another’s hands in the middle of classes they shared so that they wouldn’t fall asleep while their professors gave monotone lectures.

  His pointer finger carefully spelled out his message, letter by letter. Her breath stuck in her throat, her lips trembled, and her heart hammered wildly against her chest. She knew what he was writing before he’d finished.

  I Love You.

  She looked up at him, hey eyes wide and wet with happiness. Though this was the first time either one of them had said the words, they both knew how the other felt. Their feelings were clear in every touch and every kiss they shared. She swallowed back the tears that threatened to fall.

  “I love you too,” she whispered, her voice soft, and even in the middle of the noisy carnival around them, she knew that he heard. Because like he was to her, she was all he could see.

  ****

  Morning came quickly, too quickly for her lack of sleep. Between the new Sophie Samuel’s book she had tried to distract herself with and the memories that flooded her mind, one after the other, sleep had been useless. Around four a.m. she’d decided that she needed to come up with a plan.

  Everything in life was easier with a plan in hand. At least that’s what her doctors told her over two years ago.

  She had no time to spare. She'd get dressed, go to his place, and explain everything.

  Chapter Four

  Jess

  Looking at his house from the safety of her car, Jess took a deep breath. Thankfully, she'd taken Chloe to her father’s once, so she knew where Scott lived.

  She had straightened her almost shoulder-length hair that looked like a slightly overgrown bob. She knew she looked as good as she could without looking like she was trying too hard. Why she had made an effort with make-up and an outfit that would be considered too dressed up for a Friday at her flower shop, she wasn’t sure.

  No, that was a lie. She knew exactly why she’d made the effort. She wanted him to know losing him hadn't broken her. It may have knocked the wind out of her for a bit, but she had learned to smile again.

  Funny how when you’re young, you feel life can end so quickly over the loss of someone who felt like they were a part of you, whose absence was felt as deeply as losing a limb. Shaking her head, she looked at his truck in the drive. She had so many questions about their time together, how they ended the way they did. It had never quite felt right to her.

  This isn’t going anywhere.

  She could still hear the words in her mind as if he’d just whispered them to her over the phone. How was that possible? Thirty-five years later and she could still hear the words clear as day.

  Before she left on her trip for spring break that year, he did nothing but talk about their future. Their relationship had been through so much. They had finally been in a better place, so she had been hesitant and hadn’t wanted to tempt fate. Closing her eyes, she could see them.

  Both so young. So beautiful. So alive. With everything life had to offer them at their fingertips.

  And yet, they had been so remarkably stupid for not having fought to stay together.

  “Why
won’t you talk to me about this?”

  “I’m just…”

  “What babe?”

  “I’m just scared. We are in a good spot, aren’t we? I mean…” she wasn't able to say anything else because his fingers went under her chin, lifting her face so her eyes met his.

  “I’m going to do everything I can to make it up to you, Jessie. I promise. I’m going to work my ass off to make up for all the stupid shit I put you through. One day we won’t even remember any of that shit.”

  “You don’t have to. I just want us to be okay. I want you to be happy, Scott…

  “With you next to me, no way I can’t be. I promise.” His words sounded so sincere, so grown up. He’d never made a promise he hadn’t kept. Ever! She couldn’t help feeling the hope filtering into her heart, so she nodded. She watched his eyes soften in relief as he smiled at her.

  “How about a border collie?” she suggested, playing this new game with him. His dark eyes twinkled and his smile brightened.

  They’d had so many dreams, so many plans. None of them came true. At least not with him.

  What had happened that week she’d been gone? What had happened that it made it impossible for him to see a future together? His few choice words during the call that ended them had crushed something deep inside of her so profoundly that she hadn’t been able to fight for him. She didn’t beg him to think, or to give them time. She’d done that too many times before through their stupid childish dramas. She didn’t have it in her. For the first time he’d broken his promise to her and it had left her devastated.

  Opening her eyes to the nicely trimmed yard, seeing his black truck shining and spotless, she took another deep breath. At the end of the day, the whys didn't matter, and she wasn’t there for answers. Whatever led them down this path brought her to Kevin and Scott to Chloe’s mom.

  Chloe.

  Another memory bubbled up, making her chest ache and her eyes glisten with unshed tears.

  “Chloe?” he asked, a playful grimace on his face, making Jess giggle.

  “I love that name.”

  “Seriously? Why?” He scrunched his nose.

  “It was my mom’s signature perfume…” His eyes twinkled. “Before she died,” his eyes went soft and he swallowed hard.

  “Then we’ll name her Chloe.” He shrugged dramatically, a wink sending her silly young heart into a round of flip-flops. She hugged him and he fell back onto the couch, his hands running through her hair. “One day we will have a daughter named Chloe… and she’ll play catch with our lazy, black and white border collie named Red.”

  He’d given his daughter the name they had picked for their own daughter if they ever had one.

  Swallowing hard, she tried to push away the sadness, confusion, and heartache the memories were dredging back up. Why had he chosen to name his daughter their name? The questions flitted through her mind as she looked at the quiet street.

  Doubt was a bitch. She could feel herself start to chicken out. She looked down at her hands and couldn’t help but grimace; her age was evident, she was no longer twenty and bright-eyed.

  Her skin was still soft, but all the treatments that she had been through had been hard on her body. Jess knew she was an intelligent woman, her successful business of fifteen years said as much. But was it stupid of her to wonder if Scott Kostas had thought about her even once through the years? He probably hadn’t. She needed to shut off her car and face whatever was going to happen after their conversation. Tossing her keys in her purse she stepped out of the car.

  Scott

  He knew she would show up eventually. He just wasn’t expecting her today, especially this early. She hadn’t been much of a morning person when they had been together, quite the opposite. But here she stood in front of him, in his home, a foot away from him, asking him the impossible, making him feel like an ass for not being able to give her what she asked for.

  “I can’t do that,” his deep voice rumbled.

  She looked at him, her sage green eyes wide, clearly surprised by his response.

  “What?” she breathed.

  “You heard me.”

  “Oh, I did. I’m only wondering if maybe you forgot to take your meds this morning,” she sassed, making him smile. He was definitely going to enjoy this, glad to see her sass hadn't changed. He loved going head-to-head with her when she was like this.

  “Babe, we’re older but not THAT old,” he told her smiling and she scowled, her green eyes narrowing.

  “You're nuts!”

  “I won’t lie to our kids,” he told her, carefully closing the space between them, worried she’d flee like a scared animal if he moved in too fast. “Why do you want to lie to them?”

  “What?” her eyes widened as he closed the space between them completely. He was standing close enough to smell her soft perfume, feel the heat of her body. All he could think about was the need to touch her.

  “Jessie…Why do you want to lie to them?” he repeated, slower this time.

  “I…” her voice came out breathily, but he kept his poker face in place, fighting a smile. His hand went to her right hip and pulled her in close. She gasped.

  “What are you doing?” No attitude, just surprise. His body reacted to her the way it always had. Shit. Thirty-five years and she still got his engine running by just being close to him.

  “You feel this pull between us,” he told her in a calm tone. She stayed quiet; probably because she wouldn't be able to lie, not to him. She had never lied to him, and he knew she wouldn’t start now. He knew in his gut she was still that girl. How that was possible after a lifetime apart, he had no clue, but he did.

  Jess

  “This can't happen,” she whispered, breathing deep through her nose.

  “Why?” he asked, challenging her like he’d always done in the past.

  “Why?” she repeated, her voice soft and breathy. Being so close to him made her dizzy.

  “Yeah, why?” he asked again, and she gave him an annoyed but slightly confused glare. He smiled.

  God, he was handsome. He’d always been ruggedly handsome, but the years had softened him up slightly. Not a lot, just enough to make him more approachable and somehow better with age, like a fine wine, making him even better looking.

  “Our kids…” she blurted, trying to gather her thoughts, fighting the magnetic pull she felt towards him.

  “Our kids are seeing one another,” he stated.

  “Yes!” she exclaimed, thinking maybe he was finally getting it. Maybe she’d just shown up too early for him, though he had not looked sleepy when he had answered the door.

  “And?”

  “And?” she repeated, losing herself in his dark brown eyes. Sinfully dark eyes that had always managed to hypnotize her, make her weak, even at fifty-six. They were her kryptonite. Who would have thought?

  “Are you seeing anyone?” he asked, the curiosity in his voice snapping her out of the spell he had over her. She narrowed her eyes at him.

  "You're insane," she hissed, feeling her cheeks flush. She couldn't figure out what upset her more: the fact he asked the question or the fact she couldn't remember the last time she'd been on a date.

  “Jess…”

  “I can’t…I don’t even…” she could feel her face turning red and see his struggle to fight a smile at her reaction, which only frustrated her further. He had a way of doing that to her back in the day, especially when they had argued. Obviously some things never changed.

  “Why are you here?” he asked, his free hand grabbing her other hip.

  Wait, when had he grabbed her in the first place?

  “I… I know yesterday was a shock. I didn’t know you were Chloe’s dad. Drew doesn’t need to know about whom I dated…” she took a deep breath. “I just wanted to come to an agreement. I don't want to make things awkward for them. We shouldn't tell them about our past.” The words flew out of her mouth as he stood frozen in place.

  “I can’t do that,�
�� he said, sounding as stubborn as ever, and she knew it was going to be a battle getting him to see things her way. It always had been. Everything had to somehow be his idea.

  “Why not?” she asked, wondering why he wouldn’t keep it a secret.

  “Because I don’t lie to my kids.”

  “I don’t either.” That was a lie. She had lied to her children in the past. But only once. It wasn’t her best moment, but she had thought it was necessary. It was a difficult situation she didn't want to put them through. “I was just suggesting that…”

  “We pretend we don’t know each another?” he asked her calmly, his fingers stroking her sides. She felt the heat of his hands through her clothing and wished for more. Not that she’d admit to it. Ever.

  “Yes! Exactly,” she stuttered, trying to ignore his hands on her and concentrate on their conversation, hoping he’d see things her way. His eyes turned dark. Scary dark.

  That’s new, she thought briefly.

  His jaw squared, tensing, and he took a step forward. She took a step back, but that didn’t stop him. She swallowed hard.

  He walked forward until she was against the door, the knob poking her back, his face only inches from hers, his thick thigh magnificently between her legs.

  She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, his scent filling her mind, sending her back decades.

  “I want you. I want you so fucking badly…” his deep voice surrounded her, making beautiful shivers run down her spine. The car was warm even though it was freezing outside.

  “You have me,” she told him and his eyes warmed over. She loved him so much she sometimes thought she didn’t know how to breathe without him.

  “Babe…”

  “Please…” her cheeks flushed at her begging. She was ready. She knew what she wanted.

  “Not here… not now. Not like this,” he told her, nuzzling her neck with his nose, her mind dizzy with need, the leather of the backseat squeaking slightly beneath her.